Terms & Conditions
Quotes and Estimates
Here at Monster Graphics, we try our level best to provide you with realistic quotes wherever we can. Sometimes, however, our powers of prophecy come up short, and even scrying the fresh intestines from our stock of sacrificial lambs denies us the wisdom we seek. In these cases, we are unable to provide total accuracy, and are reduced to the basest form – that of estimation. If extra work is required we will always let you know if it will be more then the quoted estimate. Due to the wild nature of our working environment, all quotes or estimates are valid for 30 days only from date of issue. Should you accept your quote, we will require your firstborn and an oath written in goat’s blood. Or a deposit. Whichever is easiest.
Monster Graphics does require a deposit before they will unchain their Monster minions to work on your project (unless of course, you have some special prior arrangement with management). As stated, this usually requires a sacrifice. Deposits are immediately spent on raw meat and fresh chains, and are therefore non-refundable. Payments are preferred by way of bank deposit, however cheques are also accepted. Incremental deposits are demanded by the Evil Overlord for any work undertaken. For projects under $1000 a 50% deposit will be required to allow the release of our minions, with the remainder due on completion. For projects over $1000 the following structure applies:
Deposit 1: 33% Complete website planner, copywriting, images and website design
Deposit 2: 33% Build website
Deposit 3: 34% Set website live, release minions (or destroy them, at your pleasure).
All invoices are sent either by pigeon or via email. Please notify Monster Graphics if your pigeon refuses to release its message, or you cannot open the invoice attachment. Monster Graphics reserves the right to send rabid bats, squirrels and other miscellaneous infectious vermin to your workplace should your project take an unreasonable length of time. We may also request payment for work-to-date. Again, project payments are non-refundable, as many of our minions begin to smell after days in their chains, and replacement minions become desirable.
Invoices should be paid within 7 days. Failure to pay any invoices on time will not only incur the wrath of Monster Graphics, but also will incur a penalty charge; and will be sent to a debt collection agency which as we all know are full of much larger scarier monsters. All fees from the debt collection agency will be added onto the account in question.
Website design and development
Monster Graphics will activate a website once payment has been received in full. A website design will be sent through before the web development commences. Please note that we will not allow the release of our website development minions until the design has been signed-off. While it may be possible to make changes to the layout after development has commenced, this is time-consuming and really quite irritating to the nastiest minions in our cold, dark, damp cave. You really should try to avoid angering these particular minions, as they are prone to fits of uncontrollable rage – and many of them have access to your office addresses. We advise you make any changes to the website layout at the design stage, thereby securing your safety and the overall continuity of your project. Monster Graphic supports the following web browsers: Google Chrome 2.0+, Internet Explorer 7+, Firefox 3+ and Safari 4+, and Minion 666.
Your design work will remain the property of the Evil Overlord at Monster Graphics until your account has been paid in full. There is nothing we can do about this. Your logo files will be supplied free of charge once only, while we will always keep your files on record, there will be a minimum charge of $25 to re-supply. All work that is created by Monster Graphics may be showcased on our website, social media platforms or other showcase mediums, however if you would prefer your work to remain confidential please advise us and the mid-level minion heading up your project will be sacrificed immediately.
By engaging the services of Monster Graphics you are agreeing to allow our minions to broadcast the names of all of your pets and your shoe size to the network of under-creatures and dark, evil smelly things that live in our basement. Your details will also be added to our database so that we can send you annoying reminders about unimportant website guff. Our intentions are evil, but we promise not to share your details with any other living human. Of course, should you wish never to hear from us again, you are more than welcome to remove yourself from our database. Simply come to our office at 1am, bring a crowbar, a balaclava, and cover yourself in petroleum jelly. It’ll be fine (or un-subscribe – the choice is yours).
Monster Graphics can host your website for a monthly fee starting from $32. This is to be paid monthly unless other arrangements have been made. If you wish for us to set up your hosting with an alternate provider, a one-off setup fee of $50 will apply: this is to appease the higher-level monsters, who are still demanding an arm, a leg, or $50 per setup. These prices are subject to change at the discretion of Monster Graphics, as occasionally the demand for arms and legs really does skyrocket and we have to burn large piles of cash just to keep the flies away. Oh, you’re still reading? Just checking. All current users will be given three months’ notice if prices are to increase. In the case that invoices are not paid, our Monster minions will discontinue some or all of the functionality of your website and may visit your offices in the night to remove the ink from your printer and in some instances, your paperclips. We have no control over this. No hosting fees will be refunded. All standard hosting accounts come with 3000MB worth of disk space (data), extra space will incur extra charges, as obviously we would need to destroy countless minions to clear room for you.
Domain names can be purchased starting from $50. These are subject to change dependent on availability. If your website domain is rude, offensive or just downright silly then we may not charge you a fee at all, it’s really anyone’s guess. If you wish to keep your domain name with an existing provider or manage it yourself, there will be a small one-off charge of $50 to set up and point to your new website. To be honest, we just like to repeat the number 50 as many times as possible. No domain fees will be refunded. 50.
It is up to you, the client, to provide all content by the first design stage. All downloadable content must be supplied as pdf files – we may pretend to understand the other fancy-pants file types out there, but to be honest most of us get lost on our way to work. Let’s not push the boundaries. We recommend the services of a highly skilled (yet truly, irrevocably evil) content writer and a madly talented photographer to ensure you get the best results for your website. Failure to provide content by this timeframe will result in extra design charges, a delay in delivery or your finished website, and possible further disappearance of your office stationery.
Images that need to be purchased for your website can be purchased online starting from $50 (there it is again. Just like I said.) These images are suitable for website use only. If you require these same images for printing, please contact the Monster Overlord or any available minion for pricing. If higher profile images are required these can be priced as requested or we can refer you onto a photographer if required.
Monster Graphics keeps the minions working through the night to keep your service uninterrupted; however, we still cannot guarantee a 100% up time. Our servers are based in secure areas within New Zealand and Australia. We cannot tell you where. From time to time, hosting can be interrupted, resulting in down time of a website or email account. In the case that your business experiences a loss due to down time, the Monster Graphics Evil Overlord absolutely refuses to eat any more minions than he (or she, we’re not quite clear on that one) already does, and will not be held responsible. They may, however, feel sorry for you.
As part of hosting, our minions can provide you with one email address. As your standard hosting plan is limited to 3000MB it is advised that you remove your emails from the server to avoid any extra charges. While we provide you with all the account information to set your emails up, you will need to consult an IT specialist if you require further assistance, including the setup of emails onto mobile devices. Be extremely careful when approaching any IT specialists. They cannot be trusted, and are often prone to using ridiculously technical language and vague hand motions to explain their magic. Be wary.
For additional services over and above what is included in your quote, time is charged at an hourly rate of $120 per hour for graphic design services and $100 per hour for website development. We may reduce these fees if you bring us fresh sacrifices.
* All prices mentioned in this document are GST exclusive, and minion union tax inclusive. (Just kidding. Minions don’t have a union! Haha! Overlord humour!)